“Blizzard Breakthrough” Part One: The Onslaught of My Inner Snowstorm

I’m so tired. I need space to be quiet in heart, mind, body, and soul. I admit I have allowed blizzard conditions to invade my life. Not just allowed them, but welcomed them, chased after them, even created them. Oh, they didn’t seem blizzard-like in the moment, but rather exciting, productive, efficient, entertaining, purposeful, and… Fun! I further entertained myself by adding more such exquisite “plates” to my “spinning act.”

No space did I make for deliberate pause. The thought of doing such I fiercely whisked away in the “wind” of my mental, emotional, and physical activity, crowding out the rhythm of rest for which God designed me. I held no capacity for respite, not even a longing to pursue it, convincing myself that such a pause, a stop, or even a slight reversal of output would be wasteful, unproductive, even stealing.

So, I found the blizzard slowly encapsulate my heart, mind, and body. Clarity suffered. Anxious toil ensued, battering my being, and desolating my dignity of being fearfully and wonderfully made in the very image of my Creator God! With cautious care aside, I plowed through the swirling storm of snow and ice with an insatiable recklessness, dismissing any approach of my Creator’s calm whispers and silent openings.

I grew more and more frigid, fearful, and fatigued. In this state, no amount of rest or relaxation mended or melted my frozen facade. I was lost, lonely and lacking… I became more and more brittle from the brutal iciness of unrealistic expectations, forced time-management and the fear of missing out. Amidst my iced frame and quivering jaw I uttered a muffled, pitiful cry, for help, for hope… for Salvation.

And this is where I am presently. Like those of old, awaiting their Messiah, I am waiting for my Prince, the Prince of Peace, to come. I pray, “Come, my Prince, and be welcomed into my blizzard and walk me back home safe and sound.”

But just then, I sensed another frigid wind whip its icy blasts around me as I realize my cry for help accompanies a dark side, to which I admit: I would much rather welcome my Prince of Peace as my Savior than I would as my Lord. I invite His peace, but I shiver at the truth that He has every right to tend my life. So... the onslaught of my inner storm rages on…

…to be continued.

Can you identify with my inner snowstorm?

The Apostle Paul described his inner snowstorm in this way...

I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?” Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So, if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions.

Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. -Romans 7:14-25 (MSG)