Breaking Free from Rivalry: A Journey Back to My True Identity

It all started on the playground in second grade. My teacher had split our class into two groups for recess activities. I didn’t think much of it at first—kids don’t naturally attach meaning to these things. But it didn’t take long for me to notice something: the kids in the “A” group were the ones who always raised their hands in class, gave the right answers, and seemed to shine. My group—the “B” group—was for the ones who didn’t measure up.  

I can still feel the sting of that realization. It was as though a seed had been planted in my young heart, a seed that whispered, “If you don’t outshine, you’re not valuable.”  

That seed of rivalry took root quickly. I began to evaluate my worth based on how I compared to others. I worked harder, tried to be smarter, and sought to outshine—but there was always someone brighter, faster, or better. And when I couldn’t measure up, the whisper grew louder: “You’re not enough.”

The Lies That Shaped My Identity

Looking back, I can pinpoint other moments in my life that fertilized that seed of rivalry and fortified the lie that my worth was tied to outshining others.  

One moment stands out vividly: I was in fourth grade, and I loved school. I was eager to participate in class, always raising my hand to answer questions. But my teacher rarely called on me. I remember wondering why. The answer that formed in my mind—shaped by my slowly developing filter system and a belief already taking root—was this: Teachers only call on the pretty girls.

I didn’t know it at the time, but her words created a deep crack in my heart. I started to believe that not only did I have to outshine others to be valuable, but I also had to look a certain way. If I didn’t meet the world’s standards—whether in intelligence, appearance, or accomplishments—I was downgraded to the “B” group.  

Those small moments, those subtle lies, began to shape the way I viewed myself and the world. I allowed them to water the seed of rivalry in my heart, and over time, it grew into something far more destructive. By the time I was an adult, that seed had sprouted fear, insecurity, and even depression.  

The Battle Continues

Fast forward to today. I’m 54 years old, and while I’ve grown in many ways, I still see rivalry raising its ugly head in my life. It shows up in the way I compare myself to others, in the fear of being overlooked, in the subtle striving to prove my worth. It’s exhausting, and it robs me of the joy God wants me to have.  

But here’s the good news: I’m further recognizing the lies for what they are. And by God’s gentle, loving grace and the truth that He delights in me, His masterpiece, I’m relearning in my present season of life how to take captive the thoughts coming to my 54-year old mind and make them align to God’s Truth.  

Ephesians 2:10 continues to be my lifeline in this season:  "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."  

Reading this verse feels like God whispering directly to my heart: “You don’t have to outshine anyone. You don’t have to prove your worth. You are My masterpiece. I created you on purpose, for a purpose, and no one can take that away from you.”

Rewriting the Narrative

For years, I let those childhood experiences define me. I let the “A” group and “B” group mentality shape the way I saw myself. But here’s the truth I’m clinging to now:  

• My belonging isn’t determined by others. It’s determined by God, who calls me His beloved child (1 John 3:1).

•  My value doesn’t come from what I accomplish or how I compare—it comes from being fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14).

•  My identity isn’t rooted in what I know, how I look, or what others think—it’s rooted in the perfect love of Jesus Christ, my Savior, Friend, and Brother.  

And here’s the best part: Nothing and no one can ever separate me into the “B” group. Period. Romans 8:38-39 reminds me that “nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.”  

Practical Steps to Freedom

This journey isn’t easy, but God has been faithful every step of the way. Here is a bit of reflective coaching I’ve given myself to peel back the layers of my thoughts and emotions so I can realign my heart and mind with His truth:  

1. Taking Thoughts Captive    

When rivalrous thoughts creep in—when I start to compare myself to others or feel the need to prove my worth—I pause and ask myself:   

 - Is this thought rooted in truth or fear?    

- Does this thought align with who God says I am?    

- Am I trusting God’s plan for my life, or am I striving for something He hasn’t called me to?    

Then I intentionally replace those thoughts with Scripture. For example:   

 - “I am God’s masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:10).    

- “The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me” (Psalm 138:8).  

2. Declaring Truth Daily    

Each morning, I declare truth over my life to combat the lies of rivalry. Here are a few declarations I use:   

 - “I am fully seen, known, and loved by God.”    

- “I am valuable because of who I am in Christ, not because of what I do.”   

 - “God has uniquely designed me for His purposes, and I trust His plan for my life.”  

3. Inviting Accountability    

I’ve invited a trusted friend into this journey with me. She knows my struggles, prays with me, and reminds me of God’s truth when I forget it. Her deep listening ear allowing me to process and wrestle with these things with Truth has anchored me through the ups and downs of this journey.  

4. Celebrating Others    Instead of comparing myself to others, I’m learning to celebrate them. When someone else succeeds or shines, I thank God for their gifts and ask Him to bless them. I admit this seemingly simple shift is not easy for me and calls for my personal, desperate dependency on God’s grace has brought so much freedom and joy.

A Call to Action: Embrace Your Masterpiece Design

Friend, I don’t know where you are on this journey, but I want you to know this: You are God’s masterpiece. You don’t need to outshine anyone to be valuable. You don’t need to strive for worth or belonging. In Christ, you already have everything you need.  

If you’re ready to take the next step toward freedom from rivalry, I want to invite you to download my free 5-Day Devotional Reflection Journey: “Overcoming Rivalry with Identity.” This reflection journey is designed to help you:

 - Identify the lies you’re believing about your worth and value.

 - Replace those lies with the truth of God’s Word.  

- Take practical steps toward walking in freedom and joy.  

My Identity_5 Day Devo Journey.pdf

Download PDF • 179KB

And if you’re ready to go deeper, consider joining me for 1-3 sessions of personal catalytic Masterpiece coaching. In these sessions, you will have a safe, Spirit-led space to process, wrestle and explore your identity in Christ, uncover the root of your fears, and co-create ways forward to help you step fully into your God-given design.  

Click HERE to connect with me about coaching

Final Encouragement

You don’t have to live with the weight of rivalry any longer. God has called you His masterpiece, and He has good works planned for you—just for you. Trust Him. Lean into His truth. And walk boldly in the freedom and joy He has for you.  

Let’s journey together. Download the guide today, and let’s take the first step toward embracing who God has created you to be.  

Helping you live aligned to your God-given design,  

Tami  

P.S. Since writing this blog, and rewriting, and praying over it, and rewriting it…I received a text from my friend who gave me a thought to think about:

Perhaps my struggle with rivalry is not so much about my identity being wrapped around praise, success or recognition as it is about trying to “outrun shame.”   

…blog to be continued… My Heavenly Father and I have some thinking to do together, first…